True love

Brick walls

You are all my reasons

“I have always believed in numbers, in the equations and logics that lead to reason. And after a lifetime of such pursuits, I ask: What truly is logic? Who decides reason? My quest has taken through the physical, the metaphysical, the delusional, and back. And I have made the most important discovery of my career, the most important discovery of my life. It is only in the mysterious equations of love that any logical reasons can be found. I am only here tonight because of you. You are the reason I am. You are all my reasons.” - A Beautiful Mind

Pretty in pink

Visca el barca

Before I die

Candy Chang is a public installation artist, designer and urban planner. Below is a project she worked on in her hometown. Go onto her website to check out more of her work.

"With support from old and new friends, I turned the side of an abandoned house in my neighborhood into a giant chalkboard to invite my neighbors to remember and share what is important to them."

Daddy's little girl

I am sitting in my office, working, when the phone all of a sudden starts to ring. It’s got this troubled quality about it and I know I am letting my imagination run wild but something is making me nervous.

It’s one of those phone calls you never want to receive. I know it is. Must be something that’s wired up in all parents but if you’re a mom or a dad, you’ll understand. What ever it is, I am already dreading it.

I pick up the receiver and almost tentatively answer. It’s my daughter, my first born. And her voice is broken.

“Dad! My boyfriend and I have just broken up…” And just like that, her voice disappears into the recesses of her pain, where I know, I cannot go.

And as I sit there, witnessing the ravages of her silent pain, my heart is flooded with the aftermath of what she had just told me. At least there’s been no accident. No one is hurt. Or worse…

And I regain some sort of composure. But just like that, just as I have dodged one wave and I think I can relax, the next one comes crashing into me, and then the next. My child is hurt.

It’s like the beach games we used to play when she was a child, diving into the oncoming wave and emerging on the other side, laughing. Getting ourselves ready for the next one… Only this time she is not laughing, and this is not a game.

This time, my child is hurt and what possible words of wisdom can I have for her? What can I tell her? If I had one brilliant “after break up advice” what would it be and as my mind searches, I know there is none.

So I tell her I love her.

And I wait. And as I listen to her silence I remember something Elizabeth Nolan once said:

“You’re my first born child, and the person who first showed me the miracle of this love a mother has for her child. “

Only I am the father, and I can feel her words as acutely as any mom.

And at first there is nothing, only silence from my daughter. The silence of a brave young woman who is doing all she can not to break down and I tell her…

“It’s ok baby. I am here..”

And just like that she opens herself up, releases her tears, and as she lets her pain out, waves after waves, all of a sudden it is as if her pain is mine. I don’t know how but if you’re a mom or a dad, you’ll understand.

And as I repeat the only words of wisdom I can come up with, I realize that today is not the day for any “after break up" advice. Today is the day of pain, of unfulfilled promises… Of dreams shattered and broken hearts. Today is the day where I cannot interfere with that pain.

So I tell her again that I love her.

And because I have been there, her pain is like a sculpture that I can touch, morphing itself from one thing to another, at once beautiful and frightening.

Heart breaks are painful as hell. They can burn and consume until all there is left, tucked away behind our fears is the little voice that we all have, willing us to get up and start again.

I have got to help her find that voice, I tell myself.

But not yet…

So I tell her again that I love her.

And then they were two

“When I first met him, I knew in a moment I would have to spend the next few days re-arranging my mind so there’d be room for him to stay.” ~Brian Andreas, Story People

There's something about this kitchen that makes me want to live in it

Deal with it

Once upon a time

“Mamihlapinatapai: A look shared by two people with each wishing that the other will initiate something that both desire but which neither one wants to start.”

My loveliness

I always hoped you'd stay...

This just hit so close to home. So close. Thank you StumbleUpon for directing me to Ryan. Anyone with a passion for writing should definitely check out his blog. His work is insanely good.

"You were standing beside the road just like yesterday or maybe a week ago. Hands at your side and not looking my way. With a sigh I pulled over slow. Your head just as quick, eyes glazing over me in that “gray or blue” I can’t tell which, kind of way. Opening the door you climbed in and I devoured every detail. Your hair tied up, fingernails unpainted, lips pulled tight in a grim line. It wasn’t the first time that I wondered what type of kiss it would take. To soften them, not seduce. I noticed a new wound in your jeans and wondered who you were escaping the night it appeared.

We drove in silence, as ever before. Unlike our first trip when I flooded you with questions and comments, I had slowly subsided into silent altruism. Though I’m not sure which you preferred. The truck bounced with every change in the road. You held on tightly, staring straight ahead. Nothing was different, this trip was the same as every one before. But I felt it, the tension. Even in your silence I could tell that this would be the last time I stopped for you.

We pulled into the gas station. The abandoned one across from the grain elevator in town. You opened the door, grabbed your bag (which I had always admired for its colourful needlework) and stepped down out of the truck. You hesitated then, and I braced myself.

“This will be the last time”, you mumbled, looking down at your feet.

You probably knew me by then. That I would do anything in a heartbeat. That I was ready for the late nights and the tears and the failed attempts only to try and try again until everything was finally ok. You only had to climb back in.

I wanted to scream, to shout, to ask you why and where and who and when, but most of all hold you tight, a shield from all the heartache. Giving peace and destroying pain in one single surge of emotion completely dedicated to you.

But instead I just nodded, my lips tightened, imitating yours. A strange thing happened then. I half expected you to look up at me and explain it all. Indecision, maybe, flashed through your mind. However fate prevailed and you walked off. Turning the corner of the building without another word.

I knew that I would never see you again. And it was awhile before I would be ok with that." - Ryan Avery

The beautiful and the damned

Car.pe. di.em

Take a step back. Fucking look at yourself. You are human. You are so beautiful. And you can be anything. You can be everything. Do not hate everyone because someone broke your heart, or because your parents split up, or your best friend betrayed you, your father hit you, the kids in school call you fat, ugly, stupid, worthless. Do not concern yourself with things you cannot control. Cry when you need to then let go when it’s time. Don’t hang onto painful memories just because you’re afraid to forget. Let go of things that are in the past. Forget things that aren’t worth remembering. Stop taking things for granted. Stop taking life for granted. Live for something. Live for someone. Live for yourself. Fall in love. Fall out of love. Fall in love. Fall out of love. Do this over and over until you know what it really is to love someone. Question things. Tell people how you really feel. Sleep under the stars. Create. Imagine. Inspire. Share something wonderful. Meet new people. Make someone’s day. Follow your dreams. Live your life to it’s full potential. just live, dammit. Let go of all the horrible things in your life and just fucking live. And one day, when you’re old, look back with no regrets.

Brutal Honesty

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

حلوة يا بلدي

Someday, Somebody

“I hope that someday, somebody wants to hold you for twenty minutes straight, and that’s all they do. They don’t pull away. They don’t look at your face. They don’t try to kiss you. All they do is wrap you up in their arms, without an ounce of selfishness in it.”

More is more

Note to self: Must. Have. Library. In. Future. Home.

I want one

Soulmates

“A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. A soul mate’s purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, and make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life.” ~Elizabeth Gilbert

One of my favorite quotes of all time

Dear Ms. Fox

What better way to start off a blog. I came across this post on good morning and goodnight today. With everything thats going on in my life right now, i couldn't help but smile. So naturally, i thought i would share this with you.

"Dear Ms. Fox,

Writing with my heart is hard, when it’s so disjointed.. All I know is that I love you. I want to spend my life with you. Ms Fox, if you read this, please don’t cry… You’ve kept me sane, you’ve kept me productive, and you’ve kept me close. I appreciate that – more than anything in the world. I know dreams are made-up, and hopes are fickle, but that doesn’t stop them from being about you. I hope to warm you with my embrace, and I dream of living together, happy, content, and with a pillow heated by your unmatched love. I want to do it all with you. Everything. I’m bad at math, but I’m hopeful in assuming me+you=love. I want nothing more than your perfection. I need your grace. Your warm embrace.

Attempted love. I don’t want to let you go. I don’t even know if I can. I would never purposely hurt anyone, but I feel like every time I take a step closer to my dreams, someone in my wake gets hurt. I see you and I think, “I need to stop.” But how can I possibly stop? I can’t just pretend I never want to see you again. I want to see your smile everyday, hear your voice, look into your eyes, and hold your hand. I want to be by your side. I want to see mirrored perspectives. I don’t want to make you sad, or loathing. I just want your love. But I know its not about me. It’s about you. I want to know your true feelings… Do I stand a chance of gaining your love? Can you bare to me the raw, unreflected emotion I have?

Can we ever be together?

With Endless Love,

Mr. Fox"